Is Social Dancing Meant Only for Singles?

Today, I want to revisit the interpersonal side of social dancing—specifically, whether sensual Latin social dances like Brazilian Zouk, Bachata, Argentinian tango and similar are meant only for single people or if they’re truly for everyone. I’ll explore what social dancers themselves think, how non-dancers perceive it, and, at the end, share my own (possibly controversial) opinion.

What Non-dancers Think

When someone unfamiliar with social dancing looks at a Bachata, tango or zouk video, they usually assume the couple is in a romantic relationship. If they aren’t, they are baffled. I have frequently seen comments on social dance videos like “how can you not fall in love after dancing like this?” For those outside the dance scene, sensual dance moves are tied to romance. They couldn’t imagine dancing that intimately with anyone they were not romantically involved with.

What Social Dancers Think

People who learn sensual dances, however, become desensitized to stuff like this. Firstly, in classes the learning process is usually stressful, difficult and requires concentration, leaving little room for romantic interpretation, even if some moves have a sensual undertone. Dancers come to parties to practice these moves with different partners, which is also a mindset focused on technique and developing skills, not romance. 

Once they have mastered a move they have already been desensitized, and believe it’s a normal part of the dance. They will dance with many people and do moves that would be considered sensual. However, they will see it as a skill they have mastered and feel a sense of accomplishment, not a sense of romantic feelings towards whomever they are dancing with.

Of course experienced dancers will have fun with flirty moves. Still, it’s widely accepted in the dance community that dance is just dance and doesn’t carry deeper meaning. Beginners who are not as desensitized and have less experience might still catch feelings. For intermediate & advanced dancers, in 95% of cases it doesn’t mean anything. 

Once in a while, you might share a truly special dance with someone, but even then, it doesn’t automatically mean you’d connect beyond the dance floor. Most dancers appreciate the magic of the moment without assuming it means something more. If you build friendships within the community and get to know someone on a deeper, more personal level, a relationship might develop—but that connection is usually rooted in personality, not just in dancing.

The desensitization then allows the couple to keep coming to parties and dancing with others, even if they are in a committed relationship. Based on that, social dancers may say that social dancing is for everyone – singles and people in relationships. 

What I Think and How It Has Changed

As a social dancer, I went through desensitization as well. I would have sensual dances with people and think nothing of them, other than having fun and developing dance skills. Whatever moves were “normal” in the dance style, I would adopt them. Even when I happened to be in a relationship with another dancer, I felt no jealousy at seeing them dance with someone else. Also, I would keep dancing with others.

However something shifted in me recently and I started seeing things very differently. 

First, I learned about physical boundaries and learned that as a follower, I had a say in what moves I would make on the dance floor – regardless of what I am led to do or what moves are common in certain dance styles. I gained confidence that even if something is “normal” in the dance world, I don’t have to abide by it. Particularly, not feeling obligated to dance sensually.

And then I was lucky enough to experience being so deeply in love with someone that having another person dance with me in such a way felt like betrayal. There was only one person I desired sensual touches from, and no one else. At this one dance party, I would interrupt anyone who tried to lead sensual moves; if they didn’t pick up on my repeated signals, I’d stop the dance and walk away. I couldn’t have imagined my loved one being okay with dances like that and I didn’t want him to be okay with it. While we are no longer together (for unrelated reasons), I am forever grateful for this experience.

My perspective has shifted. It has taken me nine years of social dancing to come full circle and think the same as non-dancers again. The sensual latin social dance styles, in my somewhat controversial opinion, are only for single people. If you are in a relationship and want to enjoy these dance styles, you still can – by going to solo styling classes or dancing only with your partner. But dancing sensually with others while in a committed relationship feels like a red flag, even if it has been normalized in the dance scene.

As a bonus, here is a reflection question for you – If you are in a romantic relationship and are still comfortable dancing sensually with others and letting your partner dance with others, are you really, truly, in love with your person? The reason I’m asking is that many people get into relationships because they feel bored or lonely. It’s not uncommon to be in a relationship where one or both partners aren’t actually in love with each other, or worse, don’t even like their partners. I would never wish that situation on anyone and recommend doing something about it sooner rather than later.

Where Do You Stand?

I have shared my perspective on whether social dances like Bachata, zouk or tango are only for single people and how I have come to believe it is, just as nondancers do. As an active social dancer, do you agree? I’d love to hear your thoughts—feel free to share your perspective in the comments below. And would you say that men and women in the scene think differently about this?